Crushed

I DON'T normally blog about about my inner turmoils—those are the subjects of my personal journals—but, just a little more than two months after this year had started, I'm starting to believe that 2014 is going to be a hard and bumpy ride.

A number of things have happened that brought me to my knees in despair and discouragement. These involve family and friends—and I can't say much more. I had never felt so crushed as I had these past few months. I felt as though my prayers were not being heard, that I was alone in the world, that nobody could understand what I was going through, that God was far away. Of course I've been proven wrong.

In all these things David's cry in Psalm 77 has taken a different meaning for me. When all I can do is sigh in helplessness I have turned to this passage. The Bible is an amazing book. Not only does it speak to us, it speaks for us, too, when we are unable to verbalize our pains.

I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands,
and I would not be comforted.
I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:
“Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

The fight for joy is a daily battle. Psalm 86 has been a great encouragement for me.

Hear me, Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am faithful to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; have mercy on me, Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
for I put my trust in you.
You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, Lord;
listen to my cry for mercy.
When I am in distress, I call to you,
because you answer me.
Among the gods there is none like you, Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.
All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.
For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

And although I'm not out of the woods yet, I trust in the goodness and sovereignty of my God.