The weirdest names are in Class 2014

Just weird 

• Rich King. I voted him as class treasurer because his name seemed appropriate. I didn't know him personally then—but guess what, he's doing a swell job extorting collecting money from us. So my vote was justified, after all.

• Karl Babe Tagomata. I make sure I don't call him "Babe" in public because other people might misinterpret it. "Let's have lunch, Babe" just doesn't sound nice if taken out of context.

• Joan Joseph Castillo. He insists we call him Casti, but isn't it more exciting to call a tall, macho man Jo-an? People who haven't met him might suspect a real, living hermaphrodite actually exists.

• Jamaica Noblezada. I don't know if she was born there, but it sure is interesting to name someone after a country. To talk her, you should greet her thus, "Jamaican me crazy!" For those who don't know, she was the official beauty title holder of Miss Caloocan some two years ago. No kidding.

Nicknames that stick

• Potpot. Godfrey Josef Torres. Don't even mistake him for a skinny guy you could bully around because this dude is muscular and can trash you any minute with his strong biceps if he wishes.

• Apol. Apolinario Esquivel III. Really, he's a big guy—not some shrieking, girly teenager.

• Bossing. Joseph Brazal. He's not just the boss because of his rather advanced age. He's the boss because he owns the world when he walks. And don't mess with him: he can pierce your skull with his signature long, black umbrella.

• Ching. Just because her name is Elizabeth Ching. Even her mother calls her Ching. 

• Mau. Just because his name is Mark Jerome Mauricio. If not for him, I wouldn't have entertained the possibility of people calling me "Cat" because I'm a Catedral.

The longest names

I could imagine them in grade school, begging the teacher for some more time because they haven't finished writing their names yet, and the quiz has already begun.

• Tristan Jegar Josef Frederic Catindig
• Aeron Patrick Roy Dela Cruz
• Jose Rene Bagani Cruz 

Epilogue

I guess they are named thus because they have really cool parents—or wacky classmates. Someday, you might go to some hospital and see one of these names there, but don't you worry, because I have a gut feeling they'll make really good doctors anyway.