Foretaste of days to come

Others may call it premature, yes, but I still go on pressing the keyboard button, hoping to make some sense out of me. After all the week is only about to end, and it will in a few hours from now. But during the first five days of school, I had a foretaste of what this semester is going to be. Not that I had an apparition while walking around Sunken, but it’s like having a glass of wine near one’s nose: you can almost taste the wine simply by smelling it.

So what did I exactly “smell”?

To tell you the truth, I don’t know. Exactly. But I can tell you it’s a combination of adrenaline rushes, sleepless nights, hours of idly staring at the blank post-labs, and prayer. I figured I wouldn’t—I possibly couldn’t—survive this sem without the Lord’s help. I am utterly useless without him, even if I vaingloriously tire myself to study. I should know because I spent a year learning that lesson in God’s classroom.

Anxiety does take its toll on me sometimes. When happens is paralysis, and all I think about are the “what-ifs”—useless thoughts, but effective enough to jolt me into panic. What if I don’t get good grades? What if I don’t finish this report? What if…? But didn’t Christ say in His Word that we should not worry?

While I hear the rhythmic staccato of the keyboard, I could almost listen to Christ telling me just that—do not worry because everything will turn out okay. I recognize the same smell of “wine” that intensifies gradually, and hear my roommate’s radio playing some love songs drowned by the loud alarm from a cellphone.

TAGGED AS: meditation